Being on the road gives you plenty of time alone with your thoughts & feelings. Long coach rides, walks through the woods, gazing into camp fires late at night... When we don’t use any numbing agents to distract us or separate us from being with our thoughts we can have some pretty ruthless realisations - & whether we wanted them or not, we should always welcome them.
In this "realm" of guidance / transformation / coaching / even leading any sort of class or workshop, we (as facilitator) have a responsibility.
We need to have gone as deep as we are going to preach.
We have to have walked the walk our self and dug into those dark holes to unearth our own sh!t, our own stories, traumas, & whatever-we-want-to-call-thems. We all have to do the "dirty" work.
As a facilitator, at least in the realm I’m working in, that of the feminine, I'm not here to be superior to you. I’m not here to know it all; to have all the answers. I’m not wearing the white coat at the big desk separating ‘the fixed & ‘the broken’ on each side.
I’m here, by your side, to help guide you to your own truth; to guide you back into your Self & your body, so that you can find & F E E L the answers for yourself - if needed, never imposed. So that, when you are ready, you can reconnect back to Y O U and remember your Essence deep within.
In doing so, as facilitators, we / I, have to have found our own truth our self. We have to have found answers within our self, too. And uncovering the "bad" along with the "good" is also part and parcel of the journey & the experience. For there isn’t light without the dark. Really, there's no such thing has "bad" anyway.
While I’ve been here in British Columbia for the past three weeks with hours upon hours to gaze at the vast scenery, to dream among the pine trees, to regress into my past, I’ve been doing my own sort of "dirty" work & healing.
The thing is, when we are in this "realm" of facilitating, we are always – or should be – doing "the work". We are always coaching our self and using the tools in our toolbox to find ways to support our self through our own journey called life so that we can better support others. It wouldn’t work otherwise. And actually, I can’t really avoid it now, either.
In this forever-studentship of Self, of life, of consciousness, of humanity, I’m forever being exposed to ways in which I’ve been conditioned & ways in which limiting beliefs are (still) or have been in place.
I’m forever discovering new wounds that, while bitter to swallow at first, actually are a huge torch shining light into new areas for potential, for growth & self love, & self acceptance.
I’m also forever remembering my power in being a womxn, my power in my body, and my power in trusting my intuition and felt senses – knowing that I have all the answers deep inside. This is sweet relief and empowering medicine when we realise we don't need to look to someone else - doctor or pill bottle - for conventional cures.
Doing this work isn’t easy, though. It requires us to be brave & bold. It requires us to lift the rock up and look underneath; to open the cupboards of the mind to check for lurking monsters. To question lessons you’ve learnt & who taught you them and why & what they mean. To relearn things that you’ve non-consciously “forgotten” through choice or through force.
Taking inventory of the mind, spirit, & body becomes daily habit.
So on this trip, a therapeutic holiday if you will, I’ve been exploring my own wounds, many newly discovered and still fresh within my Inner Child. Experiences I didn’t give much attention to before but upon digging, I still feel them very much alive within my nervous system; thankful for those cold starry nights and the time to truly ask myself “those” questions, apply the tools, & then spend time journaling to figure it all out. Catharsis.
To clarify, wounds and / or trauma doesn’t have to be HUGE; it isn't exclusive to rape, abuse, conflict, or sudden tragedy. We live in a wounded, trauma-filled world now - a world of manipulation through advertising, of over-stimulation, of social media mania, of uncertainty, of crime, of political unrest. That’s still wounding & trauma to the body. Trauma is anything that happens too fast and too soon, overwhelming your body and its capacity to cope and respond.
When I was exploring my Inner Child & her wounds, opening up to listen to feel her answers, feeling the tension still stored within me, conversations from the past still charged, memories infused with electricity, it was a beautiful reminder that we will never be “fixed”. It’s impossible. For we are always living. In that way I suppose the only time we’ll be fixed is when we’re dead.
Taking stock of where we are, who we are, and taking time to reflect, to introspect, to dive deep into the archive of the mind & body and into our energetic field, is so important.
I feel like I’ve learnt so much more about myself over the last three weeks through my own inquiry. Through staying curious. Through staying open & receptive to the answers that maybe I didn’t want to hear - but that I needed to.
Doing the work doesn’t need to be arduous. It can be slow and steady. It doesn’t have to look painful with tears & late nights, but it might. It can also be breathing deep sighs of relief, or hours of rest, or feeling understanding and forgiveness on a cellular level.
Even if you don’t have three weeks to spare - a privilege, I know! - I invite you to start the inquiry. To start to journey within. You don’t necessarily need a coach or a therapist - you might want one, yes - but we can start a lot of the work our self.
Remember, only we have the answers. Only we know ourselves like we do.
Meditation & Journal prompts for inquiry:
Firstly, start by grounding yourself, find your safe or sacred space. Somewhere you won’t be disturbed. Somewhere you feel you can be you.
Sit comfortably, start to feel heavy, notice the floor solid and strong beneath you. Now place one hand on your heart and one hand on your womb.
Take a few centring breaths, deep into the chest space, expanding your heart, filling your lungs up with fresh life force. On the next breath send that breath down into the womb space & swirl it around. Feel it fill up this sacred portal.
Open to it. Welcome and accept any emotions & memories that come through.
Then, ask yourself;
How can I love myself more?
Where can I open to forgive? / What more do I need to forgive?
What are the lessons that have most influenced me in how I have I grown into the person I am today?
If I could tell my ten-year-old-self one thing, what would it be?
Tune into your Inner Child, feel her, hug her. Tell her you’re Sorry, Thank You, I Love You.
Free write & let her response, if any, flow through the pen.