My Campbell's "Call To Adventure" in Asia offered me many opportunities to self-discover, reflect, and rewild – I just didn’t know that that was what was happening.
After the passing of my Nana (who I believe guided me to my partner, Lucas) life did take a clearer cut towards my awakening. But, it’s never a gilded easy road! It takes time, trials, and tribulations; cycles of life, death, and rebirth.
I think back now & I can see there was a pivotal moment along my journey, at a yoga retreat in Thailand. Yoga, for me, was one of the only ways I could be in my body, truly, and offered me the space and the stillness to honour myself and tap into my inner knowing and inner wisdom. Because my practice had fallen by the wayside during my travels, my inner knowing and inner wisdom often fell upon deaf ears - I was out of practice to the turning within.
As soon as I prioritised being back in my body & devoting time to a union with mySELF, I was instantly rewarded and a huge part of the missing puzzle piece fell into place.
I revived the connection to my physical self, which also activated my energetic self & spiritual self, to balance out my over-active mental self which had been running much of the show until then.
It was also at this retreat in Thailand that I signed up for a Moon Time Mondays workshop, quite naive in thinking it had anything to do with me but feeling more deeply (yay for my intuition) that it was to be more than that.
And so, this random (but not random) Moon Time Mondays workshop became another one of the catalysts in my journey towards rewilding & a deeper connection to mySelf, my body, & my power. It would be the big wake up call to honour my pussy, my womb space, & my menstrual cycle.
I was always intrigued by vaginas & what happened "down there", fascinated by what periods were (being the last to get it out of my friends), and then learning of sensual and sexual potential from early experiences at a young age. I also believe that this connection & curiosity to my sexuality is what gave me my sexual confidence which then went ary (part 1).
But it wasn’t until this workshop – which I also count as my first ever Red Tent and experience of "sisterhood", too – that I felt a real knowing from within that there was more to womxn than what this vapid “system” we all grow up in has us believe.
We, womxn, have a sacred & vital part to play in this world – why in the hell are we second best?
Cue the deluge of fiery feminism…
I can only thank Magda for her wisdom in that workshop, if only she could know that her workshop – together with the rekindling of my yoga practice – would prove a pivotal point in not just my own transformation & rewilding, but would also plant the seed for the first step towards the work that I do now with other womxn.
It would take another year, however, travelling to a totally different continent to decide (in a field in Slovenia) that I wanted to do my YTT – dedicating myself to body-based living and dropping down from the head where I had blindly lived for so long – and then to another continent again to dive into womb mysteries, sacred ceremony, and women’s circles in Costa Rica.
It also took "radical" changes adopting a no-bra policy and ditching make up & deodorant (oh, & watering my plants with my menstrual blood) to also feel like I was truly renouncing & flicking my middle finger up to my patriarchal conditioning in so much as what a womxn should look like, smell like, & act like.
Rewilding. It feels so good.
But it's taken me time (& trainings, retreats, workshops, and coaching) for me to actually feel into & live my rewilding. To become aware of what conditioning is; aware of how we – womxn – keep ourselves small through fear, limiting beliefs, indoctrination, submission. We don't learn this at school.
In this "10k overnight" culture we are sold a lie of quick-fixes and instant spiritual awakening. But it doesn't work like that. We need to put in the effort & the energy for anything to change. These programmed beliefs run deep.
My journey finally took me to the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica, & that was when I could finally see a birds-eye view of the rewilding puzzle that I’d been working on for the past few years. I’d never seen it from that perspective before, but everything began to make sense.
I had to go all the way to the jungle, to the actual wild, to really work through the layers & layers of societal & cultural BS, to meet my Shadow, and to integrate all of my learnings, all of my journey so far, into my own body and into my own psyche.
It wasn’t until I truly embodied mySELF through showing up daily in my yoga practice, through deep introspection, through radical rewiring, through learning about boundaries, through living in the wild feminine (embodied & in nature), through inhabiting my body consciously, through honouring my power, pussy, & purpose, and through learning to commune with my inner wisdom, that I could access this wild - like an unlimited buffet.
Until then I’d only had glimpses of her before but she was still too scared to claim her space, fully. Fears, self-doubt & judgements of “what if” kept her timid and tame.
It was then, as I learned to worship my womb through blood rituals, as I gathered with my sisters under the full moon, as I sat with plant medicine, as I healed from the leaves of tropical plants - my wild woman began to awaken from her long slumber. She slowly outstretched her arms. She began to take up more space within my body, mind, & soul.
Both she & I learnt how to be together, how to honour one another, how to dance in harmony, in surrender, in flow, in wild emotions; in the feminine.
Together, we embodied my own power in being sexually liberated (not using my sex for likeability), my power in speaking my truth (not hiding my voice), my power in expressing my emotions (rather than choke back my tears), my power to be unapologetically mySELF (no censor, no edits), my power in claiming what is it I want (bye bye shitty relationships).
We embodied my power in understanding my moon cycle & harnessing my feminine energies (no more birth control or tampons), my power in sacred intimacy with myself (no more putting my needs, wants, & desires second), my power in seeking & experiencing pleasure (no shame), my power in being a WOMXN and all that that entails (fuck you, patriarchy).
So, you see, my rewilding had to take me to all four corners of the world, it had me experience death, it had to drag me down to my shame, my guilt, in order for me to be able to SEE & FEEL what I needed to do and in order to step up fully into my power. Before then I was exceptionally good at staying tame.
And there was chaos, there was change, there was emotion, there was radical reconditioning, there was bravery and courage, there was sadness and frustration. It was up, down, slow, then speedy, backwards, then forwards. For this is the way of the wild feminine – opposite of what life would have us do: achieving, striving, going straight from A to B.
Instead, this is the path of the wild womxn. This is the path when you truly learn what it is you want.
+ Womxn, are you curious about what a life could be like if you lived this way, in your wild? If you took that gamble, trusted your instincts, & truly listened to what you wanted?
It might take you to your mat or meditation cushion to find that stillness to hear your inner wisdom, like it took me to my yoga practice. It might take you to your tarot cards or knitting needles to feel into your intuition.
+ Where is it that you can go to cultivate this stillness so that you can learn to listen to what you want? Where can you go to still the mind and let your body speak her wisdom?
Womxn, I urge you to find this space. And let me know what you hear.
+ What is it that your wild womxn within wants?
And don’t worry if you can’t hear anything, I didn’t for many many years. But one day you will. One day, you’ll know.
I’m here to support you along your journey towards your rewilding & I’m so excited to hear about your story.