Humour me & indulge in some childhood nostalgia, if you will.
Do you have memories of being told to "suck it up", "crying is for little girls", or even insulted as to your own ability to experience pain, "it's ok, it's not that bad" as you were hushed silent and handed a tissue?
Were you ever scolded for raising your voice, or fists, when the rage bubbled up inside your little body? Did your teacher have to take you to one side after having a tantrum in the middle of class lamenting, "that's not how big girls behave, is it?"
Oh Goddess, how they were wrong.
One thing that I feel is a byproduct of Patriarchy & that has leeched its way into some "healing" circles, teachings, & methods is that which prefers “getting rid” of or, at best, simply ignoring past unwanted experiences, emotions, energy and stored tension, focusing instead on the more appealing, more ascendant "good vibes," light & love, and perfectly aligned chakras.
In other words, spiritual bypassing.
The dark and the heavy - the real meat of who we are - gets shelved & gathers dust.
When we use embodiment practices & choose to walk the way of the wild feminine, we work to assimilate and liberate any & ALL tension stored in the body; any emotions that need to be lovingly held space for, experiences that crave to feel understood & welcomed into the body have space to be & do so. We want to express everything. And everything is always welcome.
Blood, snot, tears, screams, cries, moans, groans, growls, shaking, quaking...
Sadly, due to the society most of us were raised in - despite our parents' best efforts (Love you, Mum!) - we haven't been so used to welcoming in what we are feeling and allowing it to be here. We learnt, very well, to squash down our tears, grin and bare it, and basically keep our chin up no matter what.
We repress our feelings (because that’s what we have been told to do) or we take a pill or have a glass of wine so as not to feel them. But in order to make any headway along our own journey of rewilding, of awakening, of generally becoming a more compassionate humxn being (towards ourselves & others) & in order to feel any more "conscious" than the day before, we have to be open to feeling our feelings. All of them. There are no “good” ones, nor “bad” ones.
We must allow what it is we feel to be felt, in order for it to teach us.
We must stop the bypassing, the wanting to leap up those steps, two by two, straight up to the Penthouse of Enlightenment. Because it won't work if we haven't climbed all the floors, one by one, starting right at the bottom roving the dingey, dark basement and all its cobwebbed corners first.
Without going down into the dark depths of what makes us the primal animals that we are, without acknowledging & listening to our "shameful" & guilt-ridden stories, the sagas and traumas of the past (& other lifetimes) that are still very much manifest on a cellular level - they will always catch up with us eventually.
Put your meditation cushion down, turn on Rage Against the Machine instead & let it do it's thing. Then see how much more peaceful you feel afterwards.
Womxn especially have been taught that rage is "unbecoming", that we must hide our anger. When we do so, most commonly this internalised anger and rage later melts & morphs into a dark, all-consuming depression. Sadness is a more acceptable feeling than rage, you see.
Where we feel resistance to this welcoming of EVERYTHING in our emotional experience is an opportunity to look at why we are resistant. What is the trigger here? When we feel a particular emotion, why not instead open to allowing that in, sit with it, welcome it, breathe into it, trust it will pass but also allow it the time to reside within you for as long as it needs to be experienced & in order for it to teach you something. If you need a spotter, or guide, call one in for support. There's no need to go this alone by any means.
Treat it like an experiment, if you must. Method, Research, & Conclusion, feeling by feeling as you start to explore your inner well.
In the process of deep feeling, stay present & anchored in your truth. The ego likes to go looking for drama & can attach to what it likes to categorise as "darkness" & then fall into victim mode. Be careful, it really loves that.
Practising non-attachment & witnessing our emotions & holding space lovingly for our experiences to be expressed and transmuted is how we can start to free up so much more capacity - physical, mental, and energetic - to allow for other experiences to take their place. Experiences that are nourishing & supporting, yes more of the "love & light" if you will.
While welcoming in our every emotion and feeling and allowing it the space to be embodied & expressed is extremely powerful AND it is not necessary to hold ourselves up to a To Do list to check off what we have & haven't "healed" in order to be any better / any more "woke / any more embodied.
Why? Because we are inherently NOT BROKEN.
Why? Because there is NOTHING to be fixed.
No dark Thing that we need to exorcise in order to be any better than anyone else.
In essence, through the practices of feminine embodiment as a way of radical rewilding, all I am asking of you is to notice. Notice what comes up. Notice where you feel resistance. Notice which ones might have deeper roots than others. Where is there a greater charge in your body. Start the self-inquiry, start moving (movement is an incredible tool to move emotions & energy up and out of the body), start creating space to sit & witness, scream & release. Allow it to be, & receive its wisdom.
What is your body trying to tell you?
Are you feeling the call to explore your body & your power? To tap into your body's wisdom? To allow the primal parts their time on stage?
My 1:1 Mentorship Program has been designed for the womxn ready to rise into her embodied power & the next round is now open with only three sacred spaces available. Let's connect on a no pressure, no big deal, no cost Zoom call. Learn more about the program, here.