Something made itself clear as we moved into our fourth week of the Wild Feminine Way Group Program, as well as putting together the content for my "Pathway to Pleasure" course. There is soooo much work to be done around body love, body acceptance, & body positivity before we can make any inroads with our pleasure & with real, deep, embodied intimacy.
Without a connection, without a reverence, or at least an acceptance of our body, there is no way we can hope to access the full range of pleasure potential & sensual aliveness available to us.
We are standing in our own way.
As womxn, we are very good at being our worst critic. A dear friend shared a relevant quote the other day from Tori Amos, "why do we crucify ourselves?"
Our highly conditioned inner dialogue is toxic. And until we can learn to separate our thoughts from our reality through conscious awareness, and then start to rewire our thoughts and our narrative through body positivity, embodiment practices & mindset shifts, we will all too often fall into the trap of believing what we think about ourselves and about others.
It's not helped by the media which is the best at fuelling the self hatred with tabloid headlines of such a vile nature we wouldn't wish them on anyone; or the "influencers" on Social Media who make it look like their bodies were the creation of a night of passion between Venus & Adonis. Is it any wonder we've internalised these body images and beliefs we then then project outwards in insecure witch-hunting gossip, and inwards when we look at ourselves in the mirror & decide on what we eat, or how we are worthy of pleasure and sexual expression?
One of the things I still (after all the work!) catch myself doing is holding my belly in. It's such an unconscious act, the sucking in of my tummy, I don't even remember when I learnt it, who or what from, but it obviously was so ingrained in me from such a young age that I have to make a conscious effort to remember to let my belly go, release, and relax multiple times a day. Is it any wonder we have such digestive issues and problems with our periods. Think of all the tension we're holding!
I often wonder, amused, what it would look like to an alien if they landed on this planet & learnt of our obsession with calorie counting; that we restrict our food rather than treat it as sacred nourishment & a gift from the earth; that we buy watches & have apps that track how many steps we've walked; that we have filters which add on freckles & extended eyelashes; and photo programs that blur out cellulite and skin rolls.
It's kind of insane, isn't it?
Through these repeated behaviours & beliefs - which create patterns & habits - we have become so used to holding ourselves up to internal & external benchmarks of what's acceptable & what's not and are actually imprisoning ourselves in a number game & a game of appearances.
This is all keeping us in our masculine energy. The energy of comparison & competition. Of head-based thinking, numbers, and analytics. Instead of in the body, in the feeling, in the sensations of "how does my body feel today?" not "how many kcal was in my sandwich?". We look at ourselves through a lens of thinking (thinking = mind = masculine energy) rather than feeling (feeling = body = feminine energy).
This comparison & competition, the unworthiness, the self-hatred is bloody exhausting - and it is the exact opposite of a life of pleasure, connection, intimacy & feminine embodiment.
And, you know what, I'm over it - not for me, for all of us, for all womxn. Soooo over it. And I bet you are, too.
I've been asked by a few womxn to start up an Online Womxn's Circle where we can gather together to discuss things like this; body image bullshit, as well as sexuality, Patriarchy, what it means & feels like to be a womxn, our menstrual cycle, and lots more.
Would you like to be a part of it?
I've always held gatherings on the Full Moon because that's when Feminine energy is at its highest and most potent, so we're meeting online on the 7th May. You can learn more about the Full Moon Circle, here, and how to claim your sacred space.
If you're interested in exploring more of your pleasure & to connect more deeply with your body in an intimate & expansive way, then my self-guided course "Pathway to Pleasure" is on pre-release sale until the end of the month at just £33.33 - which is a bargain! - and then it will increase in price. Prioritising pleasure is fricken life changing, just saying, so click here if you want to see what the course includes.
It's easy to feel dismayed & overwhelmed by the unlearning and de-conditioning that needs to happen - with more awareness, in a sense, comes more "work" - but it is possible and it is worth it!
It's so fucking empowering when we do the "work" and come out the other side and breathe a massive sight of relief, shedding the burden, and walking away from what's "acceptable". You get to define your acceptable. You get to define your body. You get to define your pleasure.
We are literally rewriting HERstory when we flip the switch from toxic patterns to empowered body positivity; when we let the body lead, when we put the feminine first (which will rebalance eventually with the masculine as we want both to dance a happy harmonious dance!), when we drop down from the mind of competition and comparison into the realm of feeling, of acceptance, when we be with what is in the moment without judgement, without labelling.
We can't experience pleasure when our bodies are offline. We can't experience real intimacy from a dis-embodied place. We can't experience life, fully, if we are at war with ourselves, if we're crucified.
So what's your body story?