Last weekend was quite eventful, I must admit.
A couple of weeks ago, as I was transitioning from my Priestess phase (luteal / pre-bleed) into my Crone energy (bleed), withdrawing more and more into myself & craving isolation, I had a deep urge to get out of the city. I felt tetchy - more than usual - I was highly sensitive to the sounds of the traffic and the constant rain became too oppressive and grey in the confines of the man-made walls around me.
I needed out.
I craved the wild. I wanted spaciousness & the vast views of the archipelago and deep ocean. I needed energetic freedom. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, my desires, my fantasies.
I needed to connect back to my feminine, my Yin. In the city, without a break, I had been very much in my masculine, in Yang space.
Honouring my cycles and my need for isolation - I craved alone-ness - I booked a two-night stay on an island in a log cabin. By myself. In the woods. With nothing to do except be. Alone.
I packed a backpack of food and some tea and coffee, all my favourite lingerie & silky gowns, coconut oil, my wand & yoni eggs, & off I set on the ferry - excited for my weekend.
The wild was calling me in. My body was calling my back.
The rain was good to me, in my little log cabin, I didn't mind it there. It allowed me the excuse to stay in for the night, to light a roaring fire, to hear the patter on the A-frame roof & surrender to nature's rhythms as I did into my own.
Melting my oil by the fire, I gave myself a full body massage, dressed in my lacey bodysuit, put on my favourite songs and had a 2-hour dance party / embodied release / emotional alchemy / erotic floor show. I flowed through the sensual, the grunge, the bass, the hard core - whatever came up on my playlist. I danced, moved, grinded until I was sweating. I recorded myself on my phone, took photos, I moved the full-length mirror from the bathroom into living room so that I could watch myself in my essence. Alive. Wild. In my body. In my feminine.
Inspired & wanting to share my practice to others, I uploaded some of the photos & a video to Instagram. I received a notification soon after: Caution: Your Account May Be Deleted.
I was being shamed. I was being punished for my expression. "Indecent". But, symbolically, it wasn't me - to them (IG / the Men in Power) I was ALL sexually liberated, embodied, powerful, wild womxn. I must be shut down. I was blanket blamed for all of our wild expression.
They took down three of the six stories I posted, claiming they went "against community guidelines". Bullshit.
My answer: The Wild Fem is too threatening for Patriarchy.
These social media channels are meant to be a source of inspiration, knowledge, sharing of ideas - instead, it's a narrow-minded, blinkered, male-gaze-centric censorship of anything that doesn't fit in their tiny box, align with their hobbies or fit their ideals.
P0rn is allowed. There are so many big d!ck accounts & nude teenagers. You can make good profit from p0rn. But an empowered womxn sharing her sensuality practice to inspire other womxn towards empowerment & a reclamation of her body - nope, that's way too much. Off with her head.
Since then, I have been shadow-banned on the platform. Meaning, anyone who doesn't follow me will not be able to find me without effort. My audience has been limited and people will find it hard to view anything I post if they aren't already close "followers". What Instagram are succeeding to do with this is oppression. Shutting down freedom of expression. Silencing. Persecuting. Oh how familiar.... *sniffs the smoke*
The next day, I moved through some heavy shit. I walked through the woods and was struck by such deep sadness. I cried freely and openly (you know, a real ugly cry). I don't know what I was crying about, but they were old tears, heart-cracking. I don't even know if they were all mine.
I felt this sadness move through me the whole day, held lovingly by the woods around me. I felt fragile. Tender.
I tried to light a fire when I got back from my walk and I was nearly overcome by a feeling of powerless-ness as the kindling was too damp to light in my futile attempts and I sat sobbing on the floor, cold and soggy-footed.
Power-less. The opposite to how I felt just that evening before in front of the mirror in my gown: Power-Full. Such a change.
While my jail-time is still in place, and despite my frustration, I am rising above this shadow-ban, trying certain measures to "lift it" and cheat the system - but we'll see if they work. So my message continues to being censored. My posts are falling on deaf ears. No ears.
While there is part of me that feels I need to obey the rules and play it safe to "stay in the game," to be able to use the platform for its social benefits, the other half of me wants to throw it all in and say fuck it. If you are condemning my body, my message - the message of all womxn rising - then fuck you. I don't want to be in your Patriarchal toxic game where I'd be allowed in if I were a submissive womxn but not a strong one.
So, that's what happened last weekend. Can you tell I'm still a little salty?!
While I wait for the ban to lift - if / when - it's not stopping me create & initiating more womxn through their Rewilding.
I've just announced a new collaboration with the wild Goddess, Georgina, of Wild Visionary Living. She & I are bringing you a FREE Webinar: Reconnect with the Wild Woman, on the 13th February - next Thursday, at 12 pm / 3pm EST / 8pm UTC.
We are ready to address the myths, the assumptions, the mis-conceptions, the fears, & the untruths about the Wild Feminine who lives within us all. The Wild Womxn is a core Archetype in both of our work & offerings and we will bring together both of our own experiences of Her, ancient wisdom and a bit of inspired discussion. This co-created offering will be perfect to support your understanding & embodiment of your Wild Woman and if you can't make the event live, we'll be sending out a replay!
There are also a few sacred spaces left for We Sensual Womxn, next weekend on Sunday 9th February at Mind Body Sanctuary, Seattle. If you would like to join Jess & I and the Goddesses already signed up, but are finding finances a struggle, or if you are under the age of 25 (or know someone who'd like to come), we are offering partial scholarships. Get in touch if you'd like to learn more, or grab a last minute ticket here. To end: don't let the System keep you from spreading your message, for standing up for what you believe in, for speaking your truth, & embodying your wild divine feminine nature. Never let anyone / thing / organisation keep you from your Wild Essence & your expression Self. Don't let censorship keep you tamed.
PS: If you've experienced shame around expression or been censored, I'd love to hear about it... I have an idea to collate some stories together... Reply to this email if you'd like to share!